A few things you didn't know abou the dreaded 'man flu'.
This silent killer is caused by a nasty but so far unidentified virus which first appeared in the 1970s and has been growing in virulence ever since. It specifically targets the Y chromosome, so only men can catch it. This nasty bug typically disguises itself by spreading within populations already affected by outbreaks of the common cold, so it looks like the men are just making a fuss. Not so.
Man flu has symptoms much more severe than a common cold, featuring a high degree of prostration (taking to bed), fever, joint pains and malaise (feeling unwell). If left untended there is a mortality rate of 97.3% - a shocking statistic made even more worrying by the fact that the only effective treatment is female sympathy. It is a sad truism of the condition that because the disease occurs within existing pockets of common cold infection, such sympathy is often sadly lacking and all we can do is mourn the victims.
Women! Know your place!
In case you haven't twigged by now I've had a nasty flu-like illness. This is worse than a cold, but is nowhere near as severe as a real influenza, which really takes you off your feet. I blame the stress, although getting chilled in bus and coach stations at the weekend (with people hacking and spluttering all around) is probably just as much to blame. Of course the free alcohol at the conference* can't have had anything to do with how bad I've been feeling - no, not at all.
(whimpers and recites 'poor little bunny' repeatedly)
*You have to drink it, it's the law.
12 comments:
If free conference alcohol is not drunk the universe begins a slow, barely perceptible slowing of its spinning which, inevitably will lead to the end of Life As We Know It in somewhere around seven years. It's tragic but true. Which is why, honestly, anyone with a "Hi! My Name Is NORMAN" badge and a very slight list to his stance should be shook firmly by the hand and thanked for his relentless efforts on behalf of humanity.
Of course... having just helped put on a conference I can say that should the alcohol be, for some reason, not guzzled by the attendees, there are a whole set of self-less people waiting in the wings to lap up the left overs.
Hope the man flu recedes soon. It is a dreadful, dreadful malady - I know, I've heard the whining.
as someone who is female... and hates to see suffering...
oh.. poor baby.. i'm going to offer chicken soup, duvet on the sofa, remote control, choice of DVDs, popcorn, beer (just in case you feel a bit better), bacon and egg butties (or the vegetarian equivalent if you're a vegetarian), the world's largest pile of man size ultra soft aloe vera tissues, with bin, a tray with a selection of medicines including nice cough mixture, vile cough mixture and the stuff that makes you gag (so you can take when flu reaches such a stage where it is needed to elict some sympathy) and lots and lots of pillows. and slippers. and if you were Michiel i'd wait on you hand and foot.
it obviously works cos Michiel has only ever had man flu once in the 5+ years we've been together...
hope you feel better soon!
keth
xx
Ding ding ding!!!
It's the reply of the week award!!
Oh dear! I fear I've been so terribly insensitive all these years, not realising what a potentially life threatening malady a Man Cold can be.
My usual response is something like, "you'll be right Sport, now can you put the rubbish out and feed the cats? So what if you can't stand? Just crawl, you'll feel better once you're up and about. Now go and make me some dinner you malingerer".
I s'pose this is going to become some kind of men's rights issue isn't it? You lot will be out there waving your 'poor little bunny' flags at every opportunity.
I believe I've had flu recently. All I kept getting was man-flu jokes :( What is the definition of flu then o'pharmacyst? I was not a well puppy. weak, pain in joints, weak muscles, usual other cold symptoms (cough, sore throat, runny nose)!
Are cold viruses getting stronger so appear more like flu?
Wish I could help woth the man flu symptoms but as you say, only female attention seems to work ;)
Nah, different bugs to the common cold. You know you've had flu because it comes on much more rapidly, and gives a respectable fever of 38-40C (100-104F) as opposed to the low grade fever of a severe cold. In the pharmacy, if someone is standing in front of me telling me they have flu, then they generally don't have it. Otherwise they wouldn't be standing there. Then again I have seen a few walking corpses - cause to retreat to a 2m distance and swab all the surfaces down when they've gone!
Flu-like illnesses are milder than full flu, and tend to be the diagnosis is you come down with these symptoms when there isn't a flu outbreak.
Oooh, yikes. Best wishes to BOTH of you for it! Nothing worse than a bad flu - for the flu-ee and the caretaker alike!
From a man in a country where male maladies seem to be on the rise (judging by all the special pills you can order in the wee hours of the morning), all I can say about the "man flu" is WAAH!!!!
Get a grip dude. Women in this day and age aren't going to fall for that shtik.
Aaww diddums. Feel better soon.
Get well soon HW, only had the real deal once and I was in bed for 3 days, most of which I don't remember.
I hear that they might have a cure for the flu virus, 'parently although the outside of the virus mutates constently making an antiviral impossible , the flu virus has an inside, which does not change, and thus an antiviral which attacks the inside of the virus is under test.... bad news for man flu, as female simpathy will disappear completely, cos it can't be flu, since we've cured that haven't we?. A bit like the Douglas Adams God/Faith-existence argument...now where's the nearest zebra crossing?.
'Man' flu is real, I know this must be true despite all academic literature to the contrary 'cos I have seen it surface in Chopper and all 3 sons and I have never caught it myself...find a cure now! I can't cope with all this having to fake sympathy to cure them nonsense!
I do sympathize, poor you !!!!
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