Once upon a time in some woods, there was a little mushroom. (Actually he wasn't a little mushroom at all but just the overground part of a vast and incredibly long-lived organism weighing more than an elephant, but that's not important right now.) For most of the year he was on holiday (...never mind) but if the summer was nice and the autumn was wet, up he would pop and all his friends would be very pleased to see him. One friend who was particularly pleased to see him was the wizard who lived in the Hollow. Every year the wizard came and gave the little mushroom a lovely ride in his basket, and as they walked through the woods the little mushroom would wait until the wizard wasn't looking and sporulate through the gaps in the basket, which is slightly pervy when you think about it but the wizard didn't seem to mind. The wizard and the mushroom enjoyed their walks through the woods, and when they were finished the wizard would take the little mushroom home to tea.
...or at least, that was the plan. However, this year's summer wasn't nice. It was cold, and damp, and bleedin' 'orrible. And this year's autumn wasn't wet. The September rains failed and the weather warmed up, just to spite me. And lo, there were no mushrooms to be seen – at least not in this neck of the woods. I've had disappointing forays before, but never never have I led a party of twenty people on a walk through a normally productive area and failed to find one single, solitary edible mushroom (except stinkhorns, and they don't count). So, my basket – and my dried mushroom jars – are empty, and the early frosts we've had this week mean that they will very probably remain so.
Would whomever kidnapped the little mushroom please release him?
Thursday, October 23, 2008
The Little Mushroom Who Wasn't
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7 comments:
Free the mushroom, he's such a fun guy.
That is a very alarming development. This very scenario would reduce my Bloke to tears, him having an extreme fondness of the mushroom.
But really, an absence of mushies in autumn is not good.
Is it a potential poly-tunnel exercise? Am I a philistine for asking such a question? I suppose the mushroom tastes best when grown in the wild.
Could you not grow your own? May have to find a way to cultivate several varieties of them if this weather continues!
I think he might have emigrated, or at least sent some of his family to the states. We were overrun with them in the mountains of Northern New York this season.
We normally get Parasol mushrooms & Shaggy Inkcaps but no sign this year...
Stinkhorns are edible??? I get dozens of the popping-up in the veggie garden where I've used hardwood-shavings to cover pathways. I assume that one would eat them while they're still in a ball, before they've opened up...
Mike - yes, that's right. They're edible at any stage but don't smell so bad as eggs. They used to have a reputation as a cure for impotence. I wonder why?
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