The Chicken Weekend, part 1

This last weekend has been all about chickens. As you might remember, back in January I took on four rescue birds from a commercial free-range outfit nearby - and unfortunately things didn't work out as well as I had hoped. One died in the first few days of nothing in particular; one remained sleepy and failed to put on weight at all over several months (called "going light") despite various wormers and tonics; and one had a crooked beak from the off, giving her difficulty feeding. When egg-laying still hadn't picked up by the start of April, I decided to cut my losses and start afresh.

Thus it was that Saturday saw me stride down to the chicken house armed with an axe, a block of wood, two nails, a broom handle, scissors, some string, a hammer, and a determined expression. And no, you don't need all that equipment. It's just that this was the first time I'd killed a bird without using dispatchers, and although I'd picked up some excellent instructions from Rebecca of Irish Sally Gardens I'd also seen a further piece of advice elsewhere that sounded good to me; have a plan B. This particular individual had failed to get a clean kill because she wasn't strong enough, and then realized she had no idea where her axe was. Not recommended.

So, plan A; wring the chickens' necks. Plan B; the broom handle method - also new to me, and therefore - Plan C; block and axe. Just in case, you understand. So before I started, I hammered two nails into the block with a gap between them wide enough for a chicken's neck, but not for a head. This allows you to gently pull the bird's body away from the nails, securing the head and ensuring the bird doesn't move at an unfortunate moment (as happened to Mike the Headless Chicken, for those of a strong stomach).

Right. Capture bird. Grab top of legs firmly in right hand, and bring firmly in to your chest. Capture head in left hand, palm down. Gently extend left arm, turning hand round and tilting chicken's head back (as if they were looking skyward). Pull away with left arm, increasing the force rapidly but smoothly until you feel the neck separate. Let go of head and pinion the wings until the flapping reflex winds down - about a minute. Tie legs with string, hang from handy hook until time to pluck. If you wish to bleed the chicken, then now's the time.

Bird number one - the light one - is no problem at all, in fact the neck breaks so easily it's a wonder she could walk around at all. Bird number two - she of the crossed beak - requires a more serious pull, but is likewise problem-free. Bird number three - the healthiest and heaviest of the trio - is another kettle of fish entirely. Her neck does not break. Thankfully she is clearly stunned, but her eyes are open and blinking. A second pull likewise fails, so it's extremely quickly on to plan B and the broom handle does the job in a heartbeat (rather less fussy, this one; place neck of chicken under broom handle, stand on each end, pull legs until you feel the pop).

Not the most pleasant start to my Saturday, but probably a better start than the birds got! Since they were all for the stock pot I scald-plucked them, and drew them (removed the guts) some hours later. The meat from old layers is still perfectly good to eat, but it's tough and so needs to be moist-cooked long and slow - soups and stews are their natural habitat, and they make excellent stock.

Pluck mode cancel! Pluck mode cancel!

The rest of the day vanished in a blur of weeding and planting, while Witchypoo emptied and scrubbed out the chickenhouse ready for... Sunday's chicken auction!